Bittersweet Anniversary

March 6th will forever remain a sore date. It marks the bittersweet anniversary of my mom’s passing. I say the anniversary is bittersweet because the loss still pains me but the lessons and memories she left with me are all frosted with joy, tenderness, and wisdom.

There is a pain to loss that eases with time yet never truly leaves us. For me it is rooted in wondering what experiences have been missed because she is gone. She never got to meet her granddaughter. I never got to lean on her for parenting advice. We didn’t get to experience the extended family decorating Christmas cookies or dancing in the kitchen to her favorite rock and roll. Thoughts like these carry on the pain of missing her.

But there was never a more beloved woman on this planet. She was a font of joy and comfort to all those who knew her. And never has there been a human more at ease with their own mortality. When Mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor, she saw it as the obvious answer to her recent low energy and poor balance. When she had surgery and treatment and knew the likelihood of beating the cancer was very slim, she wrote letters to her family explaining how she wanted to be remembered and how deeply she cherished us.

Mom had no funeral. In her honor we held a celebration of life attended by over five hundred people. It was a time of stories and laughter and song and tears of joyful yearning. Our family had private moments of raw emotion as we put Mom to rest, stirring some of her ashes into the garden she so loved and placing what remained beside her ancestors in southern Wisconsin.

March 6th is a bittersweet anniversary due to that loss. Yet, the week around it is one of hope. Her birthday, March 8th, aligns with International Women’s Day, a day set aside to honor and elevate women everywhere. I hope my life honors my mom and that, through me, her lessons and memory elevate my daughter.

Miss you, Mom.