Warning: I use a curse word in this one. Oh my!
An email blast news headline caught my eye last week. That rarely happens as I tend to look at those as things to be ignored. However, this was not the usual “who’s dying where and how” type of headline. It spoke of adult men not having close friends, and that intrigued me.
I am not of the man-school that decrees real men swallow their emotions and exude a constant facade of hard, rigid strength. Or that it’s weak to show empathy, care, and heartfelt love and concerns for one’s fellow man. And I mean “man” in the masculine/male sense here. I hug friends I haven’t seen in a while. I tell my friends I love them and that they’re important to me. Oh, we still give each other shit and mock each other’s flaws (we’re guys so our maturity level decreases exponentially the longer we hang out). But we know we’d take a bullet for each other, help raise each other’s kids if tragedy struck, and get each other home safe after one too many.
So, to read about the loss of friendships as men age, made me wonder why. Why are men experiencing isolation when there are eight billion people on this planet? Why do men fail to develop deep ties with other men while women (according to this article) hold friendships with other women throughout their lives?
“…By embracing and fulfilling our need for other men, we in turn become better men. We become better husbands, fathers, brothers, and sons.”
The article quotes research that you can read yourself (I’ve included the link below). But one idea mentioned struck home with me: the idea that a spouse is enough. As a married man, I agreed with this sentiment. My wife is the other half of me. She’s sensible when I’m erratic and vice versa. She’s outgoing when I’m retiring (and vice versa). We talk and make plans for the future, share experiences, combine forces in the raising of our child. We do all that. That should be enough.
But it isn’t.
I (and the article) dug deeper. Guys, we need to admit there are subjects, feelings, worries, and joys that are best experienced with our male friends. We also need to accept that there is nothing wrong with that. It does not mean we love our spouses and families less, but that by embracing and fulfilling our need for other men, we in turn become better men. We become better husbands, fathers, brothers, and sons.
Please, read the article and judge for yourself. You can find the entirety of it HERE.
Now, tell your friends what they mean to you. Cherish them. Embrace your male friendships as part of who you are and live a better life.
